Irrelationship: How We Use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy is a transformative exploration of the unconscious defense systems created by couples (and others) to avoid the vulnerability that comes with investment in others. Drawing from their extensive clinical experience, the authors explain the development of brainlock and irrelationship using the histories of numerous individuals and couples. Analysis of these histories draws the connection between early childhood experiences with dysfunctional caregivers and the anxiety that drives affected individuals (and couples) to devise roles for themselves (“song-and-dance routines”) to protect themselves from the risks inherent in close relationships; namely, empathy, intimacy, emotional risk and emotional investment.
But readers aren’t left wondering if they’re fated to repeat this pattern forever: the book takes us through the DREAM Sequence, a carefully crafted set of tools that guides us in the process of exploring the anxiety we experience when we find ourselves attracted to others. As we become accustomed to using the tools, we become able to transition from the controlled but unsatisfying roles (“song-and-dance routines”) we’re accustomed to and into the excitement and challenge of genuine openness and closeness to others.
The book’s accessible style makes it a “must-have” for anyone who wants to develop the skills needed for building or restoring genuine, loving relationships.
Published by Central Recovery Press, October of 2015.